After we got the negative result, all I could do was ask questions (while crying, of course)... some questions that can be answered and some that can't. But the most pressing question in my mind was, "HOW? How could this have happened considering everything that we did to prepare ourselves and our bodies for this whole process?" We changed our diets, went to acupuncture ($560 worth of acupuncture!), exercised (moderately), drank special teas, meditated... not to mention all the sick days, driving to NJ, painful shots, money, time, effort, and HOPE that went into this cycle. After all of that, and no "infertile" diagnosis AND transferring two great blastocysts... HOW could this have happened to us? WHY me? why us? I'm sure this is nothing new. Plenty of people have made this same journey, had the same disappointment, and plenty of people have asked these same questions. You just never think it's going to be you facing this much disappointment.
Once we moved on from our own "pity party", we got a little tipsy and we made our list, which Andrea posted. Even though a lot depends on what Andrea's insurance covers and we don't have a specific goal in mind, the list gives us some direction and we know that there is a "goal" that we are working towards... we just haven't pinpointed it yet. If her insurance doesn't cover anything, then we stay positive and do a FET with the two frozen embryos that we have left, as long as they are still good healthy embryos. What we do beyond that is too much to worry about right now. I'm glad that we have talked this through, but you can't plan for every scenario, so why bother trying. And that is hard for me to accept, because I like to plan out everything. I make lists and plans for everything and then I have back-up lists and back-up plans in case something goes wrong with the first plans. Well all of that is a little pointless and completely draining. So here's to staying positive and letting go of worry!!
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