So we had planned on not posting any more on this blog. It served its purpose, plus who has time to write a blog post these days!?! But I felt like I had to put this info out in Internet-land just in case some random person did a search and our blog just happened to show up!
After the twins were born, we asked ourselves what we were going to do with the remaining three embryos that we still had frozen. Our plan from the start was that, if we were not going to use them, then we would most likely let them thaw and have them discarded. After seeing the twins, I just couldn't do that. I looked at everything differently. I thought back to the picture of the embryos that we transferred and how those had turned into our beautiful perfect babies. These embryos deserved a shot. But we did not want to have any more children.
Like many couples faced with this dilemma, we did some research and found that you basically have four options. (1) thaw and destroy, (2) donate to science, (3) freeze forever which also means pay the storage bill forever, (4) donate to another couple.
Initially we thought, "Donate to another couple? No we couldn't do that. That would be weird. We couldn't have a full biological sibling of the twins running around out there in the world. We wouldn't even know where our embryos would end up? What if they were given to an anti-lgbt couple? Then that biological sibling would be taught to hate families like ours. Donating to another couple is definitely not for us!"
But as we thought about it, our view on it changed. The other options didn't seem so great. Thaw and destroy? But we worked so hard to make them! We can't just have them destroyed. Frozen forever? No way! No money for that option! Donate to science? Maybe. But what are they going to do to them? We just kept coming back to the option of donating to another couple. It really was the best option. But we really wanted to know who was going to get them. We also wanted to have some contact so that our twins would know any child that resulted from such a donation.
Then we found a website called Miracles Waiting. They work to link up embryo donors with couples or individuals who are having trouble conceiving. Most have turned to embryo donation as a last resort after multiple unsuccessful fertility treatments.
This is where it started to get exciting! We could potentially be helping to make someone else's dream if having a child come true. So few couples actually choose to donate embryos. So it's actually pretty hard to find embryo donors. But it's especially hard to find embryo donors who are willing to donate to same sex couples and single parents, which I think it so sad and unfair. So these are the people who we focused on when we were trying to find a good match for us. We looked through a ton of profiles and narrowed it down to two lesbian couples. We ended up choosing the one who lived closer to us (only about 3 hours away). Side note: This couple posted their profile on Miracles Waiting on February 5th, the day after the twins were born. I'm a firm believer in things happening in your life exactly when and how they are supposed to happen. And with the dates matching up like that, I felt like the universe was saying, "Hey guys! You don't need these embryos any more, but here is someone who does."
We contacted them via email and text message and got a response!! We sent a few more emails back and forth discussing specifics and then we finally decided to meet. We met up with them for lunch. They were older (early 40s) and were pretty much told not to bother with IVF due to poor egg quality. We spent a few hours talking with them and thought they were a great couple. We had found our recipient couple! They were of course beyond ecstatic that we had chosen to donate to them. But now we had to work out the details.
This is a long story, so here is the short version. They found a lawyer, we found a lawyer. Their lawyer drew up a contract. Our lawyer looked it over and advised us on any potential changes to the contract. We all signed it. Then we transferred the embryos into their names and had them shipped to their clinic. The main things that we wanted in the contract were: no financial liability for us, a visit for the siblings every two years, and the embryos should be returned to us if they were not going to be used in three years. Obviously there were other things in the contract, but these were most important to us.
So for their first FET, they only transferred one embryo and the result was a negative pregnancy test. :( They just did the second FET where they transferred the remaining two embryos and sadly, they are not pregnant. :(
We had really truly hoped that this would work for them. I'm hopeful that they will find another embryo donor to continue on with their journey to parenthood.
So I guess my point is that even though it didn't work out for this couple, we are still soo glad that we decided to go this route! And I would encourage other people in the same situation, to please carefully consider all your options. Donating to another couple has made our journey feel even more complete.
