Dr. Peters - Round 3!

yesterday, we went to the office in bedminster, new jersey.  it took a little over and hour to get there, but it really wasn't too bad, just a straight shot up 78!  anyway, it was great again... until the end.  first we met with kristine who is a nurse there.  she explained all the meds and additional tests that we had to do.  she was so nice and answered all our questions without hesitation.  then i went to get blood taken for that extra thyroid test, which was an extra $400, but worth getting done in case there actually is a problem.  our final stop was to meet with brenda, the financial lady.  long story short, she gave us the cost of the ivf, which was manageable, and then said that our meds would run about $5000!  totally unexpected... we're not made of money.  BUT thanks to kristine and the pharmacy folks, we were able to figure out that our meds plus the anesthesia at retrieval will come to about $2000, which again is manageable!

moving on... i have a confession to make, even though no one reads this.... if there is someone who eventually decides to read this from the beginning.... we decided back in november to use only andrea's eggs.  are you shocked??  :)  we initially were going to lie about it and say that we used one egg from each of us, because we didn't want our families and friends to get all wrapped up in who the biological mother is.  we wanted to make sure that everyone saw this as OUR baby without getting into the technical stuff.  but after thinking about it, that just didn't feel right.  why lie about it?  we should be confident in our decision about this!  because it's a good decision!  it's a way to make the baby a part of both of us... it's the perfect way to make it OUR baby.  I will be the birth mother and andrea will be the biological mother.  she's going to miss out on carrying, delivering, and breast feeding, so by using her eggs, she is able to play a much larger role in this pregnancy.  how great is that!?  i'm so thankful that we are able to conceive this way.  sometimes, we get all wrapped up in the failed iui's, the money that we put out with no results, and just plain old negative thinking, but i'm starting to realize how lucky we are to be able to do the ivf this way.  :)

another bonus in using andrea's eggs and my uterus is that we will be able to skip the second parent adoption process, which can cost about $3000.  for under a thousand dollars, we will be able to get a lawyer to help us get a court order so that both names go on the birth certificate right away.  we will be able to prove to the judge that both of us have a strong biological connection to the baby.  whereas if we had gotten pregnant through iui, andrea would have had no biological connection.

today, we got our calendars that list the meds that we will have to take.  i don't really have the energy to list all the meds right now for both of us, but let's just say that some days andrea has 4 injections!  yikes!  well that's all for now, we'll update soon!  :)

Dr. Peters - Round 2

So our second appointment with Dr. Peters was this past Monday, the 19th.  It went well!  He said that Andrea's eggs are good to use.  He couldn't tell us the exact FSH level because he thinks she did the test at the wrong time.  But with no cycle, it's hard to predict when blood work should be done.  But based on the results, he could tell she was towards the end of a cycle (her FSH was low and her Prog. was high).  So she went to get blood work done again on Tues.

Our next step is to meet with the financial people and the nurses to discuss money and meds.  Our appointment is on Dec 28th.  We also will be getting a few blood tests done for me related to my thyroid.

And we're on the schedule for a February cycle if all goes well!!  Now that it's getting closer, I'm getting even more excited than before.  However, I need to get back on track with the diet and other fertility boosting things.  I've been a bit of a slacker with that because of the holidays.  BUT, now Andrea gets to do all that fun stuff too!  She's so excited!  haha

Dr. Peters

We haven't gotten a chance to update in a while because of Thanksgiving, and sickness, and other craziness, but we went to see Dr. Peters on November 21st!  Overall, it went well!  What makes him different from RMA is that Dr. Peters has fewer patients and can therefore provide more specialized care.  RMA follows a more general plan to satisfy the masses.  One thing he mentioned was that, because of my thyroid, there is one additional test that he would like to have done for me to make sure that it isn't affecting anything.  The way he explained it made sense, but it's hard for me to reiterate what he said!  so hopefully, I'll be getting that test done soon.  He also gave Andrea a slip to go get blood taken to see if her eggs are good for us to use.  She just went today.  It was kind of a guessing game as to when she should get blood taken because she doesn't really have a cycle, but we'll see what he says on our follow up appt on December 19th.  we also have appts set up on December 28th to talk to the nurses about meds and to talk to the office manager about finances.  so we'll most likely be doing a February cycle as long as all goes well, which means that by NEXT thanksgiving, we'll have a whole lot more to be thankful for!!  :D

consultation scheduled!

Last week was a busy week for us.  We called RMA to get my records e-mailed to us and we called the new doctor (Dr. Peters) to schedule a consultation.  Initially they couldn't see us until December 19th, but thanks to Sam and Jen, we were able to get moved to the top of the waiting list and now, our appointment is November 21st!!  yay!  So once RMA e-mails my records, I can forward them to Dr. Peters, and then we'll be ready to go!  

We're thinking about using my eggs and Andrea's eggs this time, which is good for many reasons!  We're also considering whether it is better to transfer 2 or 3 eggs.  So we'll see what he has to say about all that at the consultation.  More on that later!

In the meantime, I've been at it again!  This time, looking up natural ways to help an IVF cycle be successful!  I've found that taking anti-oxidants is helpful, so I've ordered "Network Antioxidants", which is supposed to be spectacular for your body.  I've also ordered a hypnotherapy CD that is supposed to help.  Still doing the yoga, self-masssage, castor oil packs, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, drinking ultragreens, and eating wheat and dairy free.  Hopefully the combination of all these things makes a baby (or two!) this time!!  :)

Smile :)

Last night, we went to see Janelle Monae!  It was the perfect thing to take our minds off our recent negative.  On her earlier album she covers "Smile" by Nat King Cole, and i just thought I would share the lyrics on here because they are very appropriate for our whole journey so far.  So here they are!
Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
Smile

SO, the point is that even though we are sad and disappointed, we're still trying because we know it will work for us.  And we're still smiling!  :)  Tomorrow, I'm going to call the new doctor to see when he can get us in for a consultation.  

negative :(

yet another negative... our third negative.  we've moved on from sad to pissed! we're drinking wine and eating pizza... real pizza!  the nurse who called me with the bad news mentioned something about using clomid again.  obviously clomid doesn't do a whole heck of a lot, so NO I DON'T WANT CLOMID AGAIN!!  BITCH!  :)  she also tried to tell me to call on the first day of my next cycle.  I just tried to get off the phone with her because she called when I had a line of 21 kids behind me walking in from recess.

so now, we're considering our options, we've narrowed it down to 2 options... either we switch to IVF, which we're finding is surprisingly attainable with a small loan, OR we try to do home inseminations and buy clomid online to help that process along.  We're leaning toward IVF at this point with a new doctor (Jen and Sam's doctor).  more details to come!

Optimism, miracles, slow ass doctors

So we had our blood test done this morning at like 6:45 AM, it's now 2:15 PM and we still don't have results. "Normally" they call us with results on any kind of blood test within a reasonable time frame, but lately they seem to not be too on top of things. As if the 2 week wait wasn't long enough, now they also insist making us wait several torturous hours to hear whether we are pregnant or not! Every time I get a text message from Marisa I cross my fingers before reading it hoping that it's the results of our pregnancy test, but until this point... nothing.

This morning after the negative home pregnancy tests I was feeling incredibly discouraged, however after waiting all day my optimism has shot right back up again. There could still be a chance! Miracles can happen, the fortune cookie said so!

I hope we hear something soon, I can't take waiting anymore.

2 Week Wait: Day 14

Paper and plastic pregnancy test results for the day: negative. We are currently sitting in the doctors office waiting to be called to have the blood test done. We won't find out the results of that until later this afternoon though. Even with the at-home pregnancy tests being negative there is still a chance that the blood test will be a positive. We're waiting for that miracle!

2 Week Wait: Day 13

Paper and plastic pregnancy test results for the day: negative. It's been a long 2 weeks, but we're in the homestretch now. Tonight was our tai chi class, so that at least helped us to de-stress until the blood test in the morning. We also decided to order a "good-luck" Chinese dinner. We've ordered from this place before, and they always give us fortune cookies. This time they gave us 3 fortune cookies, and one was chocolate (which they've never given us before). I insisted that the "special" fortune cookie was Marisa's, and that whatever the fortune was, was a sign. After reading the fortune in it we KNEW that it was!

2 Week Wait: Day 12

Paper and plastic pregnancy test results of the day: negative. Marisa passed out around like 8:00 tonight, so she's definitely not feeling any more energized. We've again been looking up pregnancy symptoms and what-not because all of the negative tests are starting to get a little discouraging. It turns out that there are people who take an at home pregnancy test on the day of their blood test and get a negative on the at home one, but a positive on the blood test. So that's encouraging! Only 2 more days!!!

2 Week Wait: Day 11

Paper and plastic pregnancy test results of the day: negative. Marisa is still constantly exhausted and still has a "rash" on her chest. We're back to googling crazy things again, it's really no use though because no two people seem to have the same symptoms, and all it does is drive us crazy. 3 days to go!

2 Week Wait: Day 10

Paper and plastic pregnancy test results of the day: negative. Marisa has a rash on her chest today. We aren't really sure what to call it as it doesn't itch, and it looks more like acne then a rash, but it isn't acne. 4 more days to go!

2 Week Wait: Day 9

Paper and plastic pregnancy test results for the day: negative.

2 Week Wait: Day 8

Plastic and paper pregnancy results of the day: negative. Now it looks as though the HCG is out of her system. What a crazy long day it's been too! This morning we walked In a 5K for breast cancer, followed by an evening of fall foliage viewing with Marisa's parents. Tomorrow we will be doing a corn maze and carving pumpkins with friends! We've been doing pretty good this 2ww, at least as far as not going insane. Part of it is probably taking the pregnancy tests everyday, and the other part of it is probably how busy we've been keeping ourselves.

2 Week Wait: Day 7

1 week down, 1 to go. Today's pregnancy test was an interesting one... It was positive. We are sure that it showed positive because of the hcg shot even though yesterday was a negative, and here is why. We have been doing these daily pregnancy tests that are pretty much like a piece of paper. Today Marisa took one of the paper tests and it came out negative (as it did yesterday) in addition to taking a "regular" plastic pregnancy test, which came out positive. It's quite possible that the only reason we got negatives on the paper tests was because there is such a small amount of hcg in her system that it didn't show up, where as maybe the platic tests are more sensitive? For the next 7 days ( the remainder if the 2 week wait!!!!) we will be taking a paper test and a plastic test every day. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!

2 Week Wait: Day 6

Pregnancy test result of the day: negative. It looks like the hcg shot is now out of Marisa's system, so now we are hoping for the tests to start reading positive again!

2 Week Wait: Day 5

Pregnancy test of the day: positive. The line seems to be getting lighter so I'm expecting a negative any day now. Marisa was very tired again today. Not much else to report on.

2 Week Wait: Day 4

Today's pregnancy test result: positive. In researching things we've found that the HCG shot usually takes 7-10 days to fully disappear from your system, but a lot has to do with your metabolism. We decided to do the tests from day one because we don't want to miss the day when the test could be a negative. Marisa's been a lot more tired than what she usually is, but that could just be a side effect of the prometrium suppositories. There really aren't very many symptoms going on this time, which basically means absolutely nothing since the last two cycles we tried she had tons of symptoms and wasn't pregnant. I've also decided that this blog needs some more pictures and reference links so that's going to be my goal going forward with posts.

2 Week Wait: Day 3

Pregnancy result for the day - positive. We aren't quite sure if it's the pregnancy tests that we purchased or what, but the result lines are very faint and almost hard to read. This of course could also be a result of the HCG shot making it's way out of Marisa's system too. Who knows? We also had a DRs appointment this morning to check her progesterone levels. The DR likes the progesterone level to be at 8, and Marisa's level was 7.9- so close, but not quite. So it's back on the progesterone suppositories again, which really isn't a big deal- Marisa's a pro by now lol.

I was looking for a YouTube video today that basically explains this whole process a little better and what we are waiting for at this point. Most couples just have sex and then magically are pregnant. We inseminate, wait for the sperm and the egg to meet up, and then after that we wait for the fertilized egg to stick to the endometrium. Anyway, just watch the video... it explains it much better then what I can.

2 Week Wait: Day 2

Today's pregnancy test result: positive. This is still due to the HCG shot, and we are waiting for it to leave her system. Not much else to report on today, until tomorrow..

2 Week Wait: Day 1

So here we are again in a two week wait, I've decided this go-round to blog every day during the two week wait for two reasons. One, to keep sanity. And two, to document how we plan on keeping sanity by taking a pregnancy test every day. More on that later.

Yesterday was our second insemination day. We got a little bit of a late start in the morning because I insisted on pre-ordering the iphone 4s before leaving for the doctor. Oops! The "swimmers" were a higher count than the day before so that was working in our favor, but the nurse had a problem getting the catheter past Marisa's cervix. Apparently it had moved from the day before? Some things I didn't even know were possible. Anyway, the nurse was awesome and navigated her way through and everything worked out. This was the 6th insemination and the 3rd cycle of trying, and I am convinced that this is it. This is the cycle we get pregnant.

Back to the sanity part of this post. We have decided to take a pregnancy test every day of the two week wait in order to have some kind of idea as to what is going on. The first couple of tests will come out positive because of the Ovidrel shot that Marisa had to take to ensure that she ovulated. Then we will get negative tests once that is out of her system, and then hopefully positive tests again (when we are actually pregnant!!!!!!). While this isn't a fail safe plan it does give us something to look forward to and will keep us feeling a little less helpless during these two weeks. Everyday I will be posting the update on the results of the pregnancy tests so that we can keep track of it as well as continue to fill you in on this little journey we are on. So day 1 pregnancy test result: positive.

In other news our friends gave birth to a little boy today and we couldn't be happier for them! We can't wait to meet him!

IUI - Round 1

just got back from the first insemination.  not too much to share, it was pretty routine.  however, we had a resident doing the insemination this time while the doctor assisted.  this is maybe like the 4th person who we have had doing our IUIs.  since none of the other IUIs have worked thus far, maybe this resident is "the one" who will get us pregnant!  andrea and i were joking about how whoever gets us pregnant will "win" a bottle of champagne and a cigar!  :)

anyway, i'll be back in there tomorrow!  then the dreaded 2ww!!

let's do this! :)

ok, so here's the rundown of the past few days.  On Monday, I went in for an ultrasound.  I had three follicles that were 13mm, 14mm, and 15mm... too small!  BUT, we were excited that there were three!!  so i went out and bought four yams, and ate them all in two days!  yams are supposed to make follicles grow, not sure if that's true or not, but why chance it?!  i had to wait until today (wednesday) to go in for another ultrasound.  well, today I have one follicle which was 21mm.  so it was definitely big enough, but we were disappointed that only one follicle matured on 100mg of clomid.  this was especially disappointing because, if you remember, on our first cycle, I made a 19mm follicle with no drugs.  so i'm questioning whether or not clomid actually works for me.

however, we're staying positive this month!  and in the spirit of staying positive, we thought of all the things that I have been doing to prepare my uterus, fallopian tubes, etc (like the castor oil packs, fertility yoga, fertility self massage, eating wheat and dairy free, and the list goes on).  we figured that follicles are only a fraction of this process.  having a healthy, happy, inviting uterus is just as important, if not more!  and my uterus is definitely healthy, happy, and inviting!  lol!  plus, our chance of conceiving is already higher since this is our third try!  so we'll be inseminating on thursday and friday.

so, here we go again!  i think we're still just as excited as we were when we tried the first time.  now we just have to stay positive, hopeful, and stress free during the impending 2ww!  :)

Day 1!

so today is day 1 of the next cycle!  wooooot!  so excited!  i have a good feeling about this cycle!  i think we're just so pumped to be able to try again after a month off.  day 3 is this saturday so we'll be back in for the ultrasound and blood work to check my thyroid.  we'll also be picking up my prescription for 100mg of clomid.  days 12, 13, and 14 will be on october 3, 4, and 5, so i'll be taking three half days at school so that we can do this cycle.  hope no one asks me anything.  ;)  i'm also starting the herbal regimen that i purchased and charting my temps.

 ahhhhhh!  this is it!  it's going to work this time!!!  =P

quick update...

so i've been continuing all the "prep" stuff that i explained in the last post.  i'm using the castor oil packs with the massage just about everyday, taking the appropriate pills and herbs, eating wheat and dairy free, eating healthy foods only, exercising moderately, mixing and drinking the ultragreens, drinking red raspberry tea, wearing rose quartz bracelets, and now i've added the "bend, breathe, and conceive" dvd.  also, andrea and i are going to start an 8-week tai chi class tomorrow to help with stress, among other things.  this weekend is our one-year wedding anniversary, so... the diet is on hiatus for the weekend!

anyways, that's your 1-minute update... more information to come, once we hit the next cycle!!  :)

skipping this cycle

we're skipping this cycle, but we've been spending the time doing everything in our power to make sure that the next cycle works!  i've been a bit obsessed with finding out about special diets, massages, and other things that can help you get pregnant.  so i ordered the books "the fertility diet" and "the fertile kitchen cookbook" to make sure i'm eating foods that will boost my fertility.  i also ordered the "fertility self massage" dvd, which guides you through of series of abdomen massages and acupressure and reflexology points that increase fertility.

then i researched herbs and supplements.  I started taking an "ultragreens" supplement, which is basically all kinds of dark green leafy vegetables and fruits that are in a powder form.  you can mix the powder with any drink.  the drink is to ensure that i have plenty of green vegetables in my diet.  it's definitely an acquired taste since the particles don't really dissolve, but i know it's good for me, so i drink it everyday.  I also started drinking 2 cups of red raspberry leaf tea, which is supposed to help prepare your body for conception.  I also ordered an herbal regimen off this website that i found.  the regimen is supposed to be good for people taking clomid.  since i will be taking 100mg of clomid this time, these herbs will not interfere with it.  the herbs are alfalfa leaf, red raspberry leaf, evening primrose oil, b6, folic acid, and flax seed oil.  in addition to taking pre-natal vitamins!  each of these herbs has a specific range of days when i have to take it.  i did a little of my own research on each herb to make sure that they were all okay to take.  I made a few slight adjustments, and so now i'm ready to go with the herbs once i hit day 1 of my next cycle.

I also ordered 30 pregnancy test!  don't worry they only cost $28 total!  what a steal!  our plan is that after the insemination, we are going to test everyday.  initially they will be positive from the hcg in the ovidrel shot.  then we will get a negative probably around day 10, which tells us that the ovidrel is out of my system.  if i get a positive after that, it means that we are pregnant.  i'm going to be charting my temperature as well so i purchased 2 digital thermometers.  right now i'm taking my temperature every morning, but not really charting it.  just trying to get in the habit of waking up every morning.

my most recent order includes castor oil and a flannel pack to be used with the castor oil as well as a heating pad.  on my fertility self massage dvd, she explains that it's good to use a castor oil pack before doing the fertility self massage.  first you have to put the castor oil on the flannel, lay it across your lower abdomen, place the heating pad on top if it, and then cover it with a towel.  you just lay there for about 30 minutes, and then start the massage.  the massage and the castor oil and supposed to help prepare your uterus for conception.  I also ordered a yoga dvd called "bend, breathe, and conceive".  so i'm pretty exited about that!  and i just ordered more ultragreens so i don't run out.

so i think it's safe to say that with all these things and the 100mg of clomid, that we have a pretty good shot for the next cycle.  we tried to increase the clomid to 150mg to increase our chances of producing multiple follicles, but the nurse said it was too risky to jump from 50mg to 150 mg without trying 100mg in between.  however, she also mentioned that if we are not happy with the results of the 100mg of clomid (not enough follicles), then we can cancel the iui and try 150mg for the next cycle.  andrea and i have decided that if i still only have one follicle then we are going to cancel.  if i have two follicles, they would have to both be over 17mm for us to try.  if the follicle are too small, then they are not considered "viable".  if we have 3 or more viable follicles, then we will be thrilled!

so we shall see what happens.  but i know we're doing everything possible (that i can afford!) to prepare for conception!  :)

BFN

Today we got a BFN or as I like to call it, "big fucking negative" on our pregnancy test. It's very disappointing to again not be pregnant, however we are just that much closer to actually getting a positive test. After getting home from the doctor today (prior to finding out the results) Marisa had started to bleed more, and so part of finding out that the test was negative was a relief because we knew that if it had actually been a positive that there was definitely something wrong. So needless to say Marisa got her period today. We won't be trying in the month of September as it is the beginning of the school year and Marisa has a lot to focus on with that, but you can bet that we will be trying in October. Third times a charm, right?

13dpiui

ugh...what a day!  let me start off by saying that i just went into work from 7:50 am - 8:50 pm.  it was kindergarten orientation and so i had to stay late...boo!

so, this is your TMI alert.... the following info may be Too Much Information, so you can skip this part if you so desire.  but i'm still posting it on here because i want this blog to be as "real" as possible....
last night, i had some beige discharge.  from what i had read up until this point, this discharge could mean implantation, which would be great!  however, the weird part is that throughout the day today the color and amount changed from hour to hour, anything from brown to red in color and from a "decent amount" to nothing.  so strange!  In addition to the "spotting", I have also had some cramping and a loss of appetite.

andrea read up on it, and apparently it could be one of three things (in order from best to worst)... implantation, my period, or an ectopic pregnancy.  there are also different things that could change the color, but that's too much to go into on here.  if you're dying to know, look it up.  :)

anyway, at this point i don't know what to think!  I'm pretty sure i'm driving myself nuts, but i'm really trying my best to take it easy.  so i'm going in for the pregnancy test tomorrow and i'm hoping that it shows that i'm definitely pregnant, but who knows!  not sure if i should feel happy, sad, scared, indifferent, etc.

7dpdiui

like i mentioned previously, i hate when people post crazy acronyms on message boards and blogs... however, i've become so good at figuring out what they're saying that it doesn't really bother me anymore!!  so, for those of you who don't know, "7dpdiui" means 7 days past double intrauterine insemination.  :)  and that's where we are today along our 2 week wait!  one week down, one more to go!  i've been having different symptoms from last time.  but at this point we don't know if that means that i'm pregnant or if the symptoms are from using clomid this cycle and not having to use prometrium.

so the wait continues!  one more week to go!  it's going to be a busy week which is actually a good thing.  hopefully, we'll be so busy we won't be thinking about the 2ww.  we have an exciting wedding this saturday, pride in the park on sunday, and then i'm actually back to work on monday, tuesday, and wednesday for inservice days, and kindergarten orientation on wednesday evening.  so that takes us right up to our thursday morning pregnancy test!

in other news... yesterday which was 11 months after our wedding, we decided to make it "official" in nyc!  so now we have an actual marriage certificate!  it was such a great day!  we were exhausted and definitely tired of waiting around all day, but it was all worth it.  :)   <3 you boo!

progesterone

i went in this morning to check my progesterone levels and everything looked good!  last cycle, which was a natural cycle, my progesterone was a 5.08 and they wanted it closer to 8.  so that's why i had to take the prometrium.  for this cycle, which was a medicated cycle (clomid 50mg), they want my progesterone level at 15, and mine was 15.1, sooooo NO prometrium this time!  :)  the doctor mentioned that the clomid would probably help with the progesterone levels too, so it appears that she was right.  at this point, we are stuck waiting until the 25th for the pregnancy test!!  ahhh, it's just awful!!  =P

since, we didn't do acupuncture this time, i'll be eating a lot of pineapple and sunflower seeds, which supposedly help with implantation.  cross your fingers!

Try #2, day #2

So here we are on the 2nd day of our 2nd insemination. I'm currently sitting in my car in the parking lot at the fertility center with Marisa reclined in the seat next to me listening to her iPod and meditating, so I thought I would use this time to explain the process of what we go through each time we "try" to get pregnant.

First we wait for Marisa's cycle to start, on day 1 we call the doctor to let her know this has happened, and on day 3 we go to the Dr. for an ultrasound. This ultrasound is done to make sure everything is okay and that there are no cysts. We also get 2 prescriptions this day, one for Ovidrel and one for Clomid. The Clomid are pills that Marisa has to take from days 3-7, and we pick them up at our local pharmacy. The Ovidrel is a shot that needs to be mail ordered, so at this point we have to call them to arrange delivery because it has to stay refrigerated. At this time we also have to call the cryobank to arrange the delivery of our specimans to the Dr.

On day 12 we go back to the Dr. for another ultrasound, this one is to check for follicles, and to see how many there are and how big they are. The number and size of follicles you produce will determine how many and how healthy your eggs that are being released are. Typically women only produce one follicle on their own, but with the assistance of a drug like Clomid they can grow multiple follicles. Our first try (a natural cycle with no Clomid) Marisa had one healthy follicle at 19, and this try she has 1 healthy follicle at 24- so while she still only grew one follicle even with the help of Clomid, it is much larger than last time we tried, and therefor more capable of producing a stronger egg.

So anyway, on day 12 we find out when we can start insemination, which has typically been the following two days. That night we go home and Marisa has to give herself a shot in the stomach (this is the Ovidrel shot) which will guarantee that she ovulates during the next 24 hours. The next two days (insemination days) are exactly the same. We get up and go into the doctor at 7 am to sign off on paperwork and labels for the vials. We then get to leave the Dr., but have to be back by 8:30 for the insemination. This time period usually consists of me going to dunkin donuts and getting a coffee, and then sitting in my car in the parking lot of the Drs. office while Marisa meditates and tries to relax in the passenger seat next to me (this is where I am right now). At 8:30 we go back in to the Dr. and start the insemination. The actual insemination takes about 5 minutes, and then we relax in the room for an additional 10 minutes just to give the swimmers a chance to figure out where to go. As I said, we do this same thing 2 days in a row, and then 3 days after this we need to go back to the Dr. to have Marisa's progesterone levels checked. This is a blood test they do this to make sure that there is a healthy environment for a fertilized egg to latch onto, and if the level isn't high enough she will have to use progesterone suppositories (she did on our first try).

We have to wait 2 weeks from the date of our 2nd day of insemination to go back to the Dr. to have a pregnancy test done. Those two weeks are the hardest, especially since we now found that Marisa gets pregnancy symptoms from the Ovadrel shot and the progesterone even if she isn't pregnant- so it's almost a false sense of security. So that's the process, a lot of work isn't it? This just goes to show you how badly we want to have children. I have to go now, it's time to inseminate!

one follicle

we went in for the ultrasound today... only one follicle, which i'm pretty sure they said was 24mm.  so it's a nice size, but it's only one.  and since i made one 19mm follicle on my own last cycle, it doesn't seem like the clomid did much of anything for me.  i could be wrong though, maybe those 5 extra mm will make a difference!   hopefully!  :)

now i have to do the hcg shot tonight at 8:30pm, and then insemination tomorrow and thursday.  so of course, as usual, i can't pull myself away from reading fertility blogs, message boards, etc!  we're hoping for a positive this cycle!!!

update!

so we're back from vacation.  it was relaxing, but it's nice to be home.  my diet this week was a little out of whack, but i didn't drink any alcohol and i tried to make as many good food choices as i could.  andrea confirmed that my food choices were not that bad.  :)  so i took the clomid on days 3-7 of my cycle, and now i'm taking robitussin, 2 tbsp 3x per day.  we read that clomid causes 30% of women to have "hostile" cervical mucus (not good!), so the robitussin is supposed to make it less "hostile".  you can imagine the jokes we have about "hostile mucus"!  lol

on tuesday, aug 9th, we go in for the next ultrasound.  hopefully, we will be able to inseminate on wednesday and thursday, which ironically is the 10th and 11th of the month, the same dates as last month.  i'm hoping that taking clomid, robitussin, and eating lots of yams will help make it happen this month!  i smile just thinking about it!

on another note, i had a dream last night that i had 4 follicles!  lol  one was 26 mm and one was 22 mm and the other two were in the teens.  i apparently have very specific dreams about follicles now!  weird... i didn't even know what a follicle was a few months ago!

more info to come in the next few days!

Back at it again...

So this morning we went to the doctor for another day 3 ultrasound and it looks like we will be able to start trying again this month!!!!!!!!! It seems like we just did this, but it's kind of nice not having to just sit around and wait. The doctor gave Marisa a prescription for Clomid that she will be taking for the next 5 days (this will cause her body to release more eggs and make the chances of getting pregnant better). Once we are back from vacation we get to go back to the doctor for another ultrasound to determine what day we start inseminations. We're just as excited to try as we were the first time, even maybe more-so because now we are SO ready! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed!

thinking about names..... again

i know, i know...  i can't help it!!!  here's the latest on names...

we've pretty much settled on Eden Quinn for a girl ("Edie" for short).  but we've been up in the air about boy names.  we were originally thinking Greyson Cole or Augusten Lee.  Greyson is now out of the running, so i was trying to find other options.  even though i like Augusten, i like to have options!  sooo.. i found 2 more boy names, Jaxson and Owen.... we also like Graham again.  those are the top four: Augusten, Jaxson, Owen, and Graham.  I'm not sure which one i like best, i don't think Andrea knows which one she likes either.  so we thought that we should think of middle names for these new ones, which is how this blog post came about... because we realized that we should write this shit down before we forget!  =P

Augusten Lee

Graham Douglas

Graham Hudson

Graham Maddox

Jaxson Scott

Jaxson Cole

Jaxson Edward

Jaxson Parker

Owen Lucas

Owen Parker

Owen Maddox

Owen Douglas

And that's the list!  hopefully we can get it narrowed down to one that we BOTH love as much as Eden Quinn!  :)

Bad day

So as Marisa said in the last post, we got a negative result to the pregnancy test from yesterday. While both of us are very fortunate in this whole process that there isn't anything wrong health-wise, getting a negative result is completely heartbreaking. Yesterday was rough. While staying positive throughout the two week wait, we also thought we were prepared if the test result was a negative, but the truth is nothing can really prepare you for that. It's really difficult to grasp the fact that people "just get pregnant" or that it happens "accidentally" and we are trying so hard. I know that one of these times we will get pregnant, its just a little discouraging when it doesn't happen. We will get through this though, and everything always works it's way out in the end.

negative... :'(

a little sad today... we went in for the pregnancy test and it was negative.  i had an awful lot of symptoms,  but in the end i guess they were all the result of the ovidrel shot and the prometrium.  in fact, i'm still have sharp but brief pains and cramping.  next time, i'm not even thinking about symptoms, i'll end up driving myself insane.  the nurse told me to stop taking the prometrium and that stopping the prometrium would cause me to have my period.  depending on the dates of this cycle, we may be able to try in august, but maybe not.  so we may have to wait until september.  the nurse said something about doing two consecutive cycles... that sometimes there are problems with cysts, but she made it sound like this was not common.  so i'm thinking that she mentioned it just so i knew it was possible.

i decided that i'm going to use clomid for the next cycle.  andrea was fine with this decision, too.  i know that we only tried once, but i think i want to increase my chances as much as possible without going too crazy.  and clomid seems to be a good option.

in the meantime, i pretty much don't feel like doing much of anything on this sad, sad, rainy day.  andrea and i had decided a couple days ago to go out to dinner tonight regardless of the results of the pregnancy test.  but i'm not sure if i want to go anymore.  i don't know if it will make me feel better (because the food is delicious!) or worse (because this could have been a celebratory dinner, and now it's just dinner).

i know what i should do... and that is stop feeling so bad about this and realize that it happens to most people.  most people do not get pregnant on their first try... but i just really really wanted it to work so bad.  so i guess that although i'm terribly disappointed, i need to remain hopeful.

2ww

for the record, i hate when people use weird acronyms like "2ww" in blog / message board posts.  i can never understand what the hell they're trying to say!  for those of you who are challenged like me, "2ww" means "2 week wait".  and we're in the midst of our 2 week wait as we speak!

on monday july 11th, our second insemination, i had some pretty hardcore cramping.  if i am pregnant i'm pretty sure that it all started on the 11th rather than the 10th.  since then, i've been tired, moody, hungry, dehydrated, and occasionally crampy.  i'm also breaking out on my chest and back with these tiny little pimples, most of which you can't see but you can feel them.  thats probably tmi, but oh well!  so you might think, "oh she sounds pregnant".  but no, you can get these same symptoms from the ovidrel shot too.  so we're stuck waiting until the 25th to find out.

on the 14th, i went to get blood work done to check my progesterone level.  apparently my level was a 5 and they would like to see it more like an 8.  so now i have to take medicine for that too.  however, as i was reading about it i found that most people do take medication to raise their progesterone, so i was feeling better about it after hearing that.

at this point we just have to wait... which is almost worse than when we were busy getting all kinds of tests done!  i'm obviously busy with my class at ku, but when i'm there, all i can think about is taking a pregnancy test!  =P   so when i get home, i try to relax and stay stress free.  i do a little meditation and take a little nap and maybe do a little cleaning.  but i just want the "2ww" to end soon... with a positive!!

i'll be holding my breath until july 25th!!!!

we did it!

sometimes it's really just so hard to put emotions into words.. and since marisa already gave a run down of the past couple of days i've decided to just fill in some dorky little details.

so on saturday when we went in for the ultrasound and the doctor told us that we would be ready to start insemination on sunday, we were both so excited that when the doctor left the room we started dancing around. the rest of the day was filled with loving glances at each other follow by "we're going to make a baby!"

on sunday we were getting ready to leave for the doctor's office to go inseminate and marisa goes, "i'm surprised you didn't make a mix cd for this... you make a mix cd for everything!" all i could do was start laughing, because i had in fact made a mix cd to listen to on the way to the doctor's office. in case your curious, here's the track list... and in case you couldn't figure it out, the them is baby lol.

• All My Life - KCI and JoJo (this song is just on here for the beginning where they start saying baby over and over again lol)
• Baby Baby- Amy Grant
• Baby Baby Baby - TLC
• Baby - Justin Bieber
• Be My Baby - The Ronettes
• Hey Baby - No Doubt
• Pretty Baby - Vanessa Carlton
• Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
• Push It - Salt-N-Pepa (Marisa was a little confused by this one at first because all she could think of was the part where they say, "push it real good" and i had to remind her of the "ooh baby baby, ba-baby-baby"
• Baby Mine - Bette Midler
• Baby, I Love Your Way - Big Mountain
• Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns n' Roses

do I like all of the songs on there? not necessarily, however i knew i had made the right decision in making the mix when we started singing along to "Always Be My Baby" at the top of our lungs so early in the morning.

it really is the little things, and i'm so glad that marisa and i can have these moments together and that one day we'll be able to share them with our child :)

and now the wait begins!

here we go!

so the ultrasound yesterday showed that we were ready to inseminate today and tomorrow (7/10-7/11)!!!  the doctor said i was ovulating from the right side and i had one big healthy follicle that was "ready to blow", lol!  he said he would aim for the right!  soo, today we inseminated for the first time!  we had to go in at 7 AM to sign paperwork, then leave and come back at 8:15.  The actual insemination took about 5 minutes... it really was over before i knew it started.  i stayed there for another 10 minutes laying down, and then we were out of there by 8:40.

i missed a few things here, so let me backtrack... i set up an appointment for saturday (yesterday) and monday (tomorrow) for acupuncture.  yesterday's acupuncture appointment was amazing!  so relaxing and stress-relieving!  so i was already feeling pretty good.  I couldn't go in for an appointment today because they are not open, but i have these apps for my ipod that help you meditate and relax, so i did one for a half hour before the insemination and one for a half hour afterwards.  overall today has been a very relaxing and stress-free day, which is pretty important at this point!

i also had to give myself the ovadrel shot to make sure that I was ovulating.  long story short, it wasn't that difficult.  the only thing that was a pain is that my insurance wouldn't cover it, unless i filled the prescription through mail-order which obviously wasn't going to happen because it needed it right then.  so hopefully if i need this shot again, we can figure it out ahead of time so that we don't have to use our own money for something that the insurance would have covered.  this is mostly my nurse's fault.  :)  even though she was assigned to me, she "drops the ball" a lot.  we actually call her a "unicorn" because she's like a fantasy character... we weren't sure if she existed for a while because we never actually saw or talked to her.  at this point, i've obviously talked to her and i've seen her once, but i feel like i get more information from some of the other people there.  and technically, she should be the one passing along important information.  she's on vacation this week, so she wasn't even there today.  and actually, our doctor wasn't there either, we had another doctor, for today and yesterday, who we kind of liked even better.

anyway, tomorrow we inseminate again at around 8:15-8:30.  :D  and then another acupuncture appointment around 12:30.  we could not be happier at this point! and we are thinking positive thoughts and hoping, wishing, praying for the absolute best outcome!

getting closer...

so we are getting very close to trying to conceive for the first time!!  :D  i can't even really explain how exciting it is!  i mean, obviously, i always wanted to have kids.  and then even through this whole process, you know that you're doing all these tests in order to get pregnant.  but i feel like it didn't completely "click" for me until this week... the week leading up to our first try!!  yaaaaay!!  so excited and soooo hoping for the best!!

since we're not using fertility drugs (although we might, if it doesn't work after a couple times), we found out that acupuncture helps to increase your chances of trying to conceive and helps to eliminate stress.  i read about the benefits on several different websites.  plus, we actually know another couple who had an acupuncture treatment before and after their IVF and they are now pregnant!  (so happy for them, btw!)

so our schedule for the next few days is pretty jam-packed!  we have one or possibly two ultrasounds, two inseminations if everything looks good, two or possibly three acupuncture appointments, a birthday party, a bridal shower, a double date, and a partridge in a pear tree!!

cross your fingers!

sooo much has happened since i posted last.  first i thought my "day 1" for this cycle was on tuesday june 28th.  i call rma and they say to come in tomorrow, wednesday the 29th for the ultrasound.  initially i was told that this ultrasound would be done on day 3 (thursday).  so i go in on wednesday and the doctor says, "no... today is probably you're day 1, not yesterday".  then i had to go back on friday, july 1st.  so we get up bright and early before we leave for the beach.  luckily, this time the doctor says that everything looks good to try this cycle.

however, since there is some confusion about which day is "day 1", she wants us to go in on saturday, july 9 for an ultrasound and then depending on the results one of two things could happen.  1) we need to come back on sunday for another ultrasound and then hopefully inseminate on monday and tuesday OR  2) everything looks good on saturday so we have to come back to inseminate on sunday and monday

in other news, after a long time on the phone last week, we bought 10 vials of sperm.  we had two donors in mind.  one who was pretty much just like andrea, same ethnicity, same interests, same features.  the other donor had similar ethnicity and features, but very different interests and beliefs.  i told andrea that either one of the donors is fine with me.  the donor we decided on was the latter.  even though he had different interests and beliefs, the good thing about him is that his parents have four sets of twin siblings.  and two couples who had used him shared that they were pregnant with multiples.  one who had twins and one who had triplets.  i think this was what caught andrea's attention.  ;)  she's all about getting the most bang for her buck!  although, i'm pretty excited at the prospect of having twins too!

more updates to follow next week.  until then we'll be doing four things... thinking positively, staying stress-free, praying, and crossing our fingers!!  :)

bleh!

so today, i was feeling a little disheartened, disappointed, discouraged, dis-everything!  after waiting around all afternoon (for 3 1/2 hours) for our nurse to call me back, i found out how much my summer class is going to really throw a monkey-wrench in our whole plan to try for the first time in july.  It would be VERY difficult if not impossible for me to take off the number of days that i would need to in order to try for july.  i would need to be available on days 3, 12, 13, and 14 of my next cycle.  However, this could work depending on when i get my period.  if it doesn't work out, then we can't try in august due to vacations, probably can't try in september with the start of school, and so we would be trying in october which is so late!  the kicker is that i could easily be to their office by 1:00 pm on ANY of those days in july, but they only do insems in the morning!  hence the reason for my disappointment!!

BUT, if i get my period this sunday, monday, or tuesday (monday, june 27th, being the optimal day), then we can probably swing it for july.  and since we have absolutely no control over any of this, i guess we should say our prayers and cross our fingers and think positive happy thoughts!!!  i think i can, i think i can!!!!

counseling

so one of the requirements that we have to meet before starting to try to conceive is a counseling session. in some ways it's kind of ridiculous that this is a requirement, in other ways this should be a requirement for anyone who wants to have children, but we all know that would never happen. we went to see the psychologist today, and what an interesting experience it was. she informed us when we got there that she would make an assessment of us to send back to the doctor on whether or not she felt that we were ready to have children. the psychologist's office was located on the ground level of an apartment building, which was odd to begin with... and then when we walked into her "office" it pretty much looked like the inside of an apartment. at this point i wouldn't be surprised if she actually lived there lol. so today was a very very hot day, and while there was an air conditioning unit in the room that we had our session in, she for whatever reason refused to turn it on. the whole thing was bizarre.. and very warm. she asked us a lot of questions about our relationship and our family history as well as how we were going to handle various situations that could arise. there were several times where we felt like she was trying to stump us with questions- which we keep joking about like, "what would you do if you knew you were pregnant with triplets and one had 4 arms and the other had 2 heads and they were both cannibalizing the third triplet... what would you do?" she didn't actually ask that, but that's how ridiculous some of the "trick questions" seemed to be lol. anyway, great news... we passed the test with flying colors!!!

update!

So i went for the saline sonogram on may 31 due to the results of the hsg test and luckily, everything looks good!  tomorrow morning, i'm going to get a few other blood tests done, just to test genetic things.  after that, we're pretty close to actually trying to conceive for the first time!!!  yaaay!

we have three things left on our "to do" list... first, on june 20th, we are going to the counselor which is a weird requirement but whatever.  then my thyroid levels will need to be checked again at the end of the month.  and then we need to pick some sperm!  ha!

in other news, i'm pretty sure that my favorite names are Eden Quinn for a girl and Augusten Lee for a boy!   =P

for today, my favorite names are...

For a Girl... (Andrea hates "Delainey Monroe", so i've had to choose others.  boo for her!  =P )

     -1- Eden Quinn

     -2- Violet Belle

     -3- Cordelia Quinn

     -4- Scarlet Monroe (love the name, but initials are SM...hmm)

For a Boy... 

     -1- Julian Alexander 

     -2- Graham Douglas

     -3- Augusten Lee

Disclaimer:  These will most likely change in a few days  :)

what's your favorite name today?

So ever since M wrote the post below she's been asking me every day what my favorite name is. EVERY DAY :) I've stayed pretty consistent so far, but in case you were wondering, my favorites today are:

GIRLS
Violet Anastasia
Violet Belle
Eden Quinn
Scarlet Monroe

BOYS
Augusten Lee
Grayson Cole
Julian Thomas


So yeah, there you have it! Also... it looks like we may start trying in July instead of August! How exciting!!!

possible names

so we haven't even tried to get pregnant at this point.  BUT because of all of these tests, we now have baby names on the brain!

For a girl...
Right now we really like the name "Violet"!  SO this is what I like to call the "Violet Collection"  haha
-Violet Elise
-Violet Rayne
-Violet Jane
-Violet Annabel
-Violet Anastasia
-Violet Janelle
-Violet Belle
-Violet Noelle

However, we do like other names besides Violet.  Here they are...
-Harper Annabel
-Delainey Monroe - Lanie for short (My Favorite!!)
-Eden Valencia
-Eden Quinn
-Tori Brielle
-Imogen Clover
-Scarlet Monroe
-Cordelia Quinn
-Ivy Brielle


For a boy...
There are not as many.  Here they are in no particular order... but at the moment, I like Julian and Graham the best for a first name.  That could always change tomorrow!!  ha!
-Elliot Garrison
-Augusten Drake
-Augusten Lewis
-Augusten Lee
-Grayson Parker
-Grayson Cole
-Grayson Edward
-Graham Douglas
-Graham Owen
-Graham Alexander
-Julian Mitchell
-Julian Thomas
-Julian Graham

new chapter

It's hard for me to believe that in a few short months we will be starting to try to conceive! It seemed so far away, but time has flown and here we are. Like M, I am beyond excited to start this new chapter of our lives together! I started reading some key pregnancy books a few months ago just to see what we were in for and I like to think that we are pretty prepared, but I still feel as though there are so many unknowns. I'm glad that we decided to use a fertility doctor instead of giving things a go on our own because we are learning about so many things that we never would have thought of.
M had her HSG test yesterday and handled the whole thing like a trooper. She's definitely the stronger of the two of us as far as tolerance for pain goes. I admire her so much for everything that she has to go through in order for us to have children. I know she will be an amazing mother and I cannot wait to share the experience of parenthood with her.

the dye test

so the dye test was not too bad.  i definitely wouldn't say that it was pleasant, but it was bearable.  first i had to put my knees on these pads which was weird, but whatev.  then they did a bunch of stuff down there, they told me what they were doing, but to me it just sounded like gibberish!  At one point, they put something in that started the cramping.... then, it was awful.  really bad cramps, but i figured it wouldn't last that long, so i just dealt with it.  at one point, i had to turn from side to side so that they could get a different view.  once they pulled everything out, the cramping started to subside.  and now, 4 hours later, i only have mild cramping.  

so the results... everything looked great except for one part of my uterus.  they showed me the mark on the picture that they took.  they said it could either be an air bubble, or something that needs to be removed.  either way, they said it wasn't that big of a deal.  so now i have to go in for a saline sonography somewhere between day 6-10 of my next cycle.  this will give them more info.  the procedure is less harsh that the dye test and is done in their office, so yay for that!  hopefully i won't have to take the entire day off, maybe just a half day.  i'm glad we're doing all this now so that we are ready to go in august!! (or even possibly july, we'll see!)  

mish-mosh

i have to say, i'm quite enjoying NOT being able to clean the litter.  obviously, i'm not pregnant yet, but yesterday the nurse lady said that as of now, I should not be cleaning the litter anymore!  sounds good to me!!  :o)

still haven't heard back from the doctor about the new synthroid medicine, of course!  grr!  i'll give them until tomorrow before i unleash my wrath... ha!

in other news, i found a list of foods that you can eat before getting pregnant if you want to have a baby girl.  now... i will be happy as long as we have a healthy baby, regardless of the sex, BUT i would prefer to have a girl.  :)  anyway, apparently if i eat fish, chocolate, and fresh fruits and veggies, i would be more likely to have a girl.  but it seems like this week, i'm doing the complete opposite!  between the brazilian steakhouse on good friday (yes, i know!) and then all the kielbasa, ham, and pork leftovers from easter, it'll never happen!

tomorrow, it's back to the usual diet... salad, carrots, edamame beans, fruit, and maybe even some sushi!

first!

 i'm starting a blog... whoa!  didn't think i'd be doing this!  so i guess my purpose is just to document the happenings of this crazy baby making process.

today, i went in to get blood work done.  generally everything was great... minus my thyroid issue.  so now i just have to wait for the family doctor to adjust my medication.  but of course, no one can call you back when they say, so i guess i'll be calling again tomorrow.

the next step is the dye test (HSG) next tuesday.  shouldn't be too bad... i'm tough!  :)