negative... :'(

a little sad today... we went in for the pregnancy test and it was negative.  i had an awful lot of symptoms,  but in the end i guess they were all the result of the ovidrel shot and the prometrium.  in fact, i'm still have sharp but brief pains and cramping.  next time, i'm not even thinking about symptoms, i'll end up driving myself insane.  the nurse told me to stop taking the prometrium and that stopping the prometrium would cause me to have my period.  depending on the dates of this cycle, we may be able to try in august, but maybe not.  so we may have to wait until september.  the nurse said something about doing two consecutive cycles... that sometimes there are problems with cysts, but she made it sound like this was not common.  so i'm thinking that she mentioned it just so i knew it was possible.

i decided that i'm going to use clomid for the next cycle.  andrea was fine with this decision, too.  i know that we only tried once, but i think i want to increase my chances as much as possible without going too crazy.  and clomid seems to be a good option.

in the meantime, i pretty much don't feel like doing much of anything on this sad, sad, rainy day.  andrea and i had decided a couple days ago to go out to dinner tonight regardless of the results of the pregnancy test.  but i'm not sure if i want to go anymore.  i don't know if it will make me feel better (because the food is delicious!) or worse (because this could have been a celebratory dinner, and now it's just dinner).

i know what i should do... and that is stop feeling so bad about this and realize that it happens to most people.  most people do not get pregnant on their first try... but i just really really wanted it to work so bad.  so i guess that although i'm terribly disappointed, i need to remain hopeful.